Go ahead.....Kick me while I'm down......Chapter 30

There I am standing on the side of this highway, 3 hours away from the closest hospital, almost 5 months pregnant.....cramping and bleeding. There wasn't anything I could do, I had to accept what was happening, I was loosing my baby. 

after sitting on the side of the road and crying for 15 min, Richard got me back in the car and said we needed to get me home and to my Dr. I didn't argue with him, I just got up, got in the car, and went numb.

We made it back to Riverside late that night. I wanted to go home and sleep in my own bed, but Richard wanted to take me to the hospital. I had quit bleeding after being back in the car for 30 min and to be totally honest I wasn't thinking clearly. Richard drove me to the hospital and called his mom to come pick up Kendra. 

Ultrasound confirmed that I had lost the baby.....they did an amino to test for bacteria in my water, and I wanted to know the sex of the baby......it was a girl. I stayed in the hospital over night and Richard stayed with me, the next morning I went in for a D&C. We were asked to name the baby for her death certificate and she would be cremated.  Richard and I named her Molly Louise. Other than those people I was very close to, no one knew about Molly, this is the first time I have spoken about her since the day Richard and I scattered her ashes over my grands grave sight. 

After a few hours I was released with strict orders to see my OBGYN On Monday. My mother in law said she would keep Kendra over the weekend so I could rest. When we got to the house we found a note on the front door that said....this isn't working out, your stuff is in the garage and the locks have been changed. 

I don't really remember what happened after that, Richard said I lost my shit and started pounding and kicking the front door, he picked me up, put me in the car and drove to his parents house. I woke up in their guest room, my mother in law told me Richard and my father in law drove back to J and R's house to get our stuff out of the garage and we would be staying with them till we found a place.

A week later we were moving into this adorable pre fab house in a cute little gated community in Corona. 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and a decent size back yard for Kendra to run around in. 

After Randy died, Lee reached out to me, she wanted to try and re build our relationship, she wanted to know Kendra. I was all for it! I missed her so much. By the time Kendra was 2 we were at her house visiting with her weekly and we talked daily, we were getting back to where we use to be and I couldn't have been happier

In March 2002 Richard and I found out we were pregnant again, I didn't know how to feel, part of me was excited, part of me was nervous and all of me was terrified.  

Because of my miscarriage the year before my OBGYN was keeping a very close eye on me, I had appointments biweekly, we were keeping an eye on my hormone levels, and I was told to take it as easy as I possibly could with a 2 year old running around. 

at 25 weeks I had the sex ultrasound and found out we were having a boy! Richard and I were overjoyed! It was also determined that I was having a perfectly healthy pregnancy, I had a bit of morning sickness in my first trimester but it was mild, no dizzy spells or insomnia, the completely   opposite kind of pregnancy than what I had with Molly and very similar pregnancy to Kendra's which helped put me at ease. 

Things were going smoothly, life was good....so it shouldn't come as a surprise when the phone rang and on the other end was Kym. 

Moving on Chapter 29

When Kendra was about a year old Richard and I found out we were pregnant. It was a mix of excitement and fear.

A few months after we found out we were expecting some friends of ours found out they might loose their house, Richard and I decided we would move in and help them out since our lease on the apartment was up and we were looking into moving into a larger place anyways...we figured we would stay with our friends for a few months while helping them get on their feet (he had lost his job and she was 6 months pregnant with their second child).

The agreement was they would cover the utilities and we would cover buying food, the phone bill (back when everyone still had land lines) and the mortgage, as well as pay the 2 months they were delinquent.  When we moved in, everything was fine, they were very grateful for our help and he had already gotten a new job, we would live there for 4 months, long enough for him to get to full pay at this new place and it would enable them to put some money in savings.

A month after we moved in with them it all went to hell. She would leave the house early in the morning, leave her daughter there and me a note to take care of her. I wouldn't even know till I got up that morning and saw the note sitting on the stove or kitchen table.

I was having a very rough pregnancy, terrible morning sickness, dizzy a lot, insomnia. I had told J (the wife) that she needed to stop leaving her daughter with me, that I just couldn't do it anymore, it was too much with the symptoms I was having. The next morning she was gone, her daughter was asleep and there was the note. Richard was home that day, as I had a drs appointment late that morning. I woke him up and he called R (the husband) he didn't know where J was or how to get a hold of her,  R didn't see what the big deal was "since Starr is home anyways" and we would have to take Kendra to the drs with us why not just take Kendra and Addy. Richard hung up on him and called J's mom.....she didn't know where he daughter was either but said she would be at the house with in the hour to pick her up from us.

As we were getting ready to leave for the drs later that morning when we saw a red tag on the front door handle......THEY HADN'T PAID THE WATER BILL SINCE WE MOVED IN!!! and they were threatening to shut the water off by the end of the week if it wasn't paid in full. Richard and I both decided that we were moving out as soon as we possibly could, we would start looking for places as soon as we got back from the dr's.


When we came back to the house after my appointment there were a few messages on the answering machine, one was from Lee and she sounded like she had been crying.
I immediately called her back, Randy was in New Mexico, he was also dying. He was in hospice and wanted to see me. I hung up the phone with Lee and told Richard. He said start packing we will leave tonight. When J and R came home we told them we would be gone for a couple days and why, they were very sympathetic and said they hoped we made it in time. 30 min later we were on the road to New Mexico.



We got there too late.....Randy died 2 hours before we made it to the hospital. I was devastated.   No matter what he had done, he was still my father and he wanted to see me before he died. I had to sit with a rep from hospice and give them all Randy information they didn't have for his death certificate, I barley made it through.

I was so drained when we left the hospital I felt like I could sleep for days. We got a hotel that night and would be leaving for home the next morning. Hospice was having Randy cremated since that is what he wanted, they would send me his ashes in the next few weeks.


The next morning we were back on the road to home, about an hour into the long stretch of desert highway I started cramping, I had Richard pull over and when I got out of the car blood was running down my leg.

LETS GET MARRIED!!!! chapter 28

I woke up on February 12th more excited than I had been in a very long time.
 I WAS GETTING MARRIED TODAY!!!!

Our wedding wasn't till the late afternoon so our morning was pretty usual, got up, fed Kendra and changed her, watched some tv. I hadn't heard from any of my friends about attending the wedding so I decided to make a few calls, by the time I was done, I was a blubbering mess.
none of my family was coming, none of my friends were coming, I was on my own.  I ended up finding one person who would be able to come, a girl I didn't know well, she had been in my circle of friends but we hadn't been what you would call close friends. She was now my only guest at the wedding and had offered to be my maid of honor.....which I took her up on. Part of me was crushed, my best friends refused to be a part of my wedding, they all thought we were making a mistake. I decided I wasn't going to allow myself to be upset, today wasn't about them, it was about Richard and me.

A friend of Richards family who was a hair dresser came out to our apartment and did my hair for me, and stayed with Kendra and I while Richard left to get ready at the church with his brother who was going to be his best man. At 6:30 I left my apartment to head to the church to get married. I was ushered into a woman's rest room to finish getting ready, my soon to be mother in law walked in with my maid of honor and she had a garter for me and my veil, the same one she wore when she married my soon to be father in law the year before (long story, don't ask). There was a knock on the bathroom door and it was Grandpa A, Richard had told him that no one from my family was showing up and he wanted to offer to walk me down the isle, I took him up on it.

15 minutes later I heard the music start, Richards cousin was going to play green peace on the piano. It was time. I took Grandpa A's arm and let him lead me down the isle to the man I was getting ready to spend the rest of my life with. I somehow managed to get through the vows without crying, and had to hold back from giggling when I noticed how nervous Richard was......It didn't help his nerves when the pastor said to kiss the bride and he gave me a peck of the lips and the pastor looked at him and said, I have met your daughter, I know you can do better than that. Richards face turned 20 different shades of red, then grabbed me around my waist and kissed me a good one.
I was now a wife.......and I couldn't have been happier.

Next was our small reception which was more like a baby shower than it was a wedding reception. there were gifts wrapped in baby shower paper all sitting on this large table against a far wall and a half dozen round tables with chairs around the room. against the opposite wall where the gifts were was a table holding our wedding cake, three tears, white and blue with a traditional topper. It wasn't fancy but it was free thanks to Richards other grandparents and it would get the job done. We got a ton of gifts for the baby and a few for our apartment, all very nice things that we were grateful for.

After we were done opening the gifts and cutting out cake Richard took me around introducing me to the rest of his family and family friends, something seemed off because every time we would walk up to a table people would stop talking......I was starting to feel insecure. Richard had his brother go around and see if he could find something out about what everyone was whispering about. About 30 minutes later he came back and said that everyone was taking bets on how long the marriage would last......and as far as he could tell the longest anyone gave us was a year. Richard was pissed and wanted to say something, but I told him our revenge would be to prove the entire room wrong. We ended up leaving our own reception early not really wanting to be around people taking bets on our marriages demise.  

We stopped by Hollywood video on the way home in our wedding attire and rented a few movies, went home popped popcorn and watched movies the rest of the night while Kendra was fast asleep in her room.

Let the manipulation continue Chapter 27

Even from 1,792.3 miles away Kym was still trying to pull the strings. She knew since I was 18 she really couldn't do much but that wasn't going to stop her from trying.


The officer said we would have to come with him to the police station, I didn't want Kendra there so I asked if we could drop her off with Richards mom and meet them at the station. The officer said I had to go with him but that Richard could drop her off and then come in afterward.

I went with the officer, I asked him questions about what was going on and he wouldn't answer any of my questions. When we got to the station I was taken to what looked like a conference room and told to wait there.  Not very long after a detective walked in, I was already fuming by this point and asked him why I was there. He said that my mother had called the police station in Buena Park and told them I had ran away from home and she thought I would go to California, that she thought I was able to do it with a fake ID.....I couldn't help but laugh. He got a bit upset with me and said that this wasn't something to laugh about, my mother was very concerned about me...........that made me laugh even harder.

I explained to the detective that I had turned 18 on the 25th and that the day after my birthday I had snuck out to the airport and left for California, and I explained why I had done it the way that I did. that Kym wasn't concerned about me, she was just gets off on making things harder for me. He said it would be easy enough to find out by running my social security number.....I gave it to him and waited.  When he came back in he said that my story checked out, but the man I was with was still being questioned so i would have to stay in the room till they were done with him. When I asked what he was being questioned for he said my mother had also said that this man was forcing me to make the decision to leave home and was using the daughter we shared against me so I would agree to whatever he said. I told him that I had been with Richard for 3 years and he wasn't forcing me to do anything, he then said that Kym wanted to press charges for statutory rape.......I about lost it right there in front of the detective. He said it would be in my best interest to calm down and wait till they were done with their investigation.

I sat and cried, terrified that the man I loved was going to be arrested. Two hours later the detective came in and said I was free to leave....I said what about Richard? he said he is waiting for you out front. I said (sarcastically)  that's awesome can we go get our marriage certificate now and not be harassed? He said sure but we wouldn't  getting it today, the clerks office was closed now.

I was so mad I just broke down crying. Richard said it was okay that we would go the next morning. That wasn't the point, the point was that my own mother was hell bent on disrupting my life and hurting me.

The next morning we went to the clerks office and got our marriage certificate. It was a huge relief, it felt like since we had that no matter what Kym did, she couldn't stop us now. When we got home there was a message on out answering machine from Grandma A.......The date had been set, February 12th at 7pm......It was happening, in less than a week I would be married. It felt almost surreal.

Its all happening so fast!!! Chapter 26

A few days later Richard took me to his work place to meet his grandfather, I was again so nervous I about threw up in the car pulling up to the building. Richard took me inside and walked me back to his grandfathers office, AND LEFT ME THERE!!!! Grandpa A had me come in and sit down, he wanted to talk to me......great.

I sat down and he said.......SO why wont the two of you get married.....I didnt know what to say, I just kind of sat there and said well we want to, we were planning on saving for a year and have a nice small wedding that we can afford. He stopped me and said thats not acceptable, it needs to happen now. The smart ass in me jumped in and I said well you know thats not possible, you sign his paycheck. Thankfully he laughed. He said Richards grandma and I have discussed it and we want to pay for a wedding so you two can get married now, what do you say? I said well thats something I would need to discuess with Richard first. He got on the intercom and he called for Richard to come into the office, Richard didnt even fully get through the door before he said......so Grandma and I are going to pay for your wedding, hows next week for you? Richard just stood there stunned and looked at me, I just shrugged my shoulders.......Richard said ummmmmm yeah that sounds good. Grandpa A said ok great Grandma and I will set the arrangements and let you know, I have work to do, let me see this baby and then you need to get going, he handed me $500 and said you have dress shopping to do. I was seriously just stunned, just in complete shock.

After Grandpa A fawned over the baby for about 10 min we left and went dress shopping. It was quickly realised there was no way I was going to be getting an actual wedding dress by the next week so we headed to the mall and I went into Macys and to the prom dress department. I found a very pretty white and silver halter prom dress that fit nicely, so I got it. It was on sale for $40. Then went into payless and found some cute silver strappy sandle heals that went with the dress nicely and got those for $20, headed over to a tux rental place and rented Richards tux and shoes......that was $150.......were just over $200 now, there is still $300 left. I told Richard to take the rest back to his grandfather.

Richard got home from work the next day and handed me the cash, his grandfather wouldnt take it back, said for me to go get my nails done or whatever it is girls do before a wedding, and keep the rest for me.....so I did, I went and got my nails done, my toes done and saved the rest.


Richard got the next day off from work so we could go to the county clerks office and file for out marriage certificate. We stood in line for what felt like hours, got up to the clerk gave them out photo ID's, she ran out names, got a worried look on her face and said to please wait while she got a supervisor, since I had an out of state ID she had to have it approved.

The next thing I know an police officer is coming around to us and pulled us to some back room, he said that when the clerk ran my name that it came up as flagged as a run away, and they had reason to believe my ID was fake........ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!

This REEKED of Kym.

holding breath, holding breath, holding breath.....Chapter 25

I Just stood there in disbelief.......What do you mean they don't think Kendra is yours??

He said because they knew we hadn't been aloud to see each other regularly they assume that I was sleeping with other people. My first reaction was to be mad, my next reaction was to cry...which I did. After a while I told him, call your mom and tell her and your grandma to come over, so they can meet the baby, he said.....ummm you sure about that??? I said absolutely they need to see her, she looks just like you, and besides, we cant start out family like this.

Richard got on the phone with his mom and grandma and said......Guess what, Starr had the baby, its a girl, her name is Kendra and Starr is here, wanna come meet them?
Two days later I was in the bathroom feeling like I was gonna puke waiting for them to show up. There was a knock on the door and I about lost it, I was shaking and so nervous I was almost crying. Richard came in and said grab the baby, they are here. I picked up Kendra and walked into the living room, and before I could say anything Richards mom said oh my God, look at that baby, she looks just like Richard when he was a baby!! and she came and took her out of my arms. Insert total relief here. The first meeting went well, they were very nice and crazy about Kendra, we got along very well. Before they left they asked the question I had been waiting for the whole evening......So when are you two getting married?

Richard and I just kind of looked at each other and shrugged...We hadn't talked about it yet, setting a date or anything. We knew we were going to have to save money so we knew it was going to be at least a year, and honestly we were in no rush.

Well you may want to be thinking about that. you know what Grandpa is gonna say.

When Richards mom and grandma left I asked.......So which grandpa and what will he say?
Richard told me that his moms dad, was very upset that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant and said that he had to merry me or he was fired (Richard worked for the company he owned) Richard told him that we were already planning on getting married before I got pregnant and we were not in any rush.....apparently his grandpa didn't agree.
I should have known then that his family wasn't going to be able to keep their opinions to themselves.

The great escape....chapter 24

Kym talked about Kendra like she was her daughter, in her mind she had this unbreakable bond with her granddaughter and we were going to live there forever and she was going to help raise her.....apparently she forgot Kendra had a dad and I had a fiance. I knew there wasn't a chance in hell that Kym was going to take me to the airport so Richard and I decided I was going to need a cab to pick us up and take us to the airport. Over the next few weeks I slowly packed up everything that I could and hid the luggage in my closet. On the morning of the 26th, the day after my 18th birthday, at 3am I started quietly carrying out my luggage to the end of the driveway, the cab company was told NOT to honk the horn that I would be out there waiting, they were to be there no later than 3:45 am because my step dad got up at 4:30 for work and I wanted to make sure I was long gone before he got up. Kendra and I are standing out at the end of the driveway when the cab showed up at 3:30, the driver helped me get all the bags in the car and we were off.....I felt this HUGE weight lift off me once we hit the freeway. I got to the airport in Memphis extremely early but I didn't care, I would gladly sit around the airport for a few hours. I checked my luggage, everything except for Kendra's diaper bag and we walked around the airport for a bit, at 7 am I headed over to my gate and waited for boarding. When it was my turn to board the plane I couldn't stop myself from crying, not because I was sad to leave but because I was so happy I was finally getting out of this place. 

My plane landed and I couldn't wait to get off and see Richard, it had been 9 months since I had laid eyes on my man and I just wanted to melt into him. I was one of the last to get off the plane and there he was.....I again burst into tears, I full on blubbered, I'm talking the ugly cry. We just stood there holding each other with poor Kendra being squished in the middle of us. Richard took his daughter into his arms for the first time and it was magical, you could literally see the love for her radiate from him.

we left LAX and we were on our way to our home, a sweet little two bedroom apartment in Riverside California. When we got to the apartment and he opened the door it was like I was looking into a mansion....no joke! It was clean and smelled good and I could lay Kendra down in her bed in her room and not have to worry about her, I was happier than I had been in a very long time. 

Richard gave me the grand tour, the kitchen which he stocked with all my favorite foods, the living room that he laid out in such a way that the light from the window would fill the living room but I could lay Kendra on the floor and the sun wouldn't be in her eyes, out bedroom and bathroom, and then Kendra's room.....a beautiful white crib with matching dresser and the whole thing was done up with old school Winnie the Pooh Bear......my absolute favorite! He opened up Kendra's closet and he had filled it with clothes for her.....this man did an amazing job and I knew right that second that I was going to be happy. 

THEN.....he says.....I told my mom and grandma that you were pregnant but I didn't tell them you were coming home.....they don't think Kendra is mine........