It felt like a lifetime for my doctor to come into my room, once he did, he didn't give me a chance to say anything, he immediately said "shes alive.....don't worry, shes alive" That gave me instant relief, as I still hadn't felt her move yet and an irrational pregnancy fear that the heart beat I was seeing on the monitor was mine not hers crept in.
Just as I was feeling better he said.....BUT
But, he says, we need to do some more tests because we don't yet know if there was any injury to her, we cant see everything but it will give us a better idea....insert panic here
over the next two days I had a series of tests done and the best that they could see she was fine, but I was told to be prepared JUST in case when she is born for there to be issues that couldn't be seen. I decided I wasn't going to worry, I was going to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy and not be stressed out about something I couldn't control.
When I was in the hospital I spoke to Kym once, she informed me that she or Tom wouldn't be paying for the hospital co pay and I better hope I'm released when its convenient for her to drive all the way into Memphis or I would be doing a lot of waiting around.
On day four I was released, I called Kym to tell her and she was NOT happy about it. I waited in the lobby for about 3 hours waiting for her. She came into the lobby and acted like she had been waiting for me and was being very short with me, standing there tapping her foot and loudly telling me to waddle faster.
my body was still so sore sleeping was hard, I was still cleaning the house because Kym wasn't and since Richard had to pay the hospital co pay in three payments Kym had decided not to pay for my groceries or let me eat dinner with the rest of them. Richard was sending me money for groceries (which Kym and Tom would eat) I had to give Kym gas money so I could go to the store with her, and I had to wait till Kym was done cooking and they were done eating before I could start making my food. Kym was nice enough to go back to the way it was after Richard paid the co pay.
Tom was pissed at me for wrecking the car so he got into my phone book, called Richard when I was at a doctors appointment and demanded for him to pay for the car. They went round and round until they finally agreed that Richard would pay the insurance co pay....even though the car was totaled and Tom was going to get a check for the whole damn thing. When I asked Richard why he would agree to that he told me Tom had threatened to make sure I wouldn't get to my doctors appointments or the hospital when the baby came and Richard said he didn't feel like he had a choice but to pay.
Tom went and got a new little car, a 1995 Mazda something or other, it was done basically so I could continue to play taxi to Dakota. I hadn't gotten behind the wheel of a car since the accident and was looking forward to having the freedom again. Dakota wanted to go to a friends house so I was woken up from a nap to take him, we got half way up the road when a car pulled next to me and I freaked out and started having a panic attack. I had to pull over. It took me 30 min to be able to finish the 5 mile drive to the friends house and then another 45 to drive home because every time a car came anywhere near me I had to pull over. Its been 15 years and I still cant drive do to the anxiety I get around other cars.
I told Kym I couldn't do the driving anymore and what had happened she just looked at me with this blank expression and said in a very cold and mater of fact way "you really are not good for anything besides being a cum dumpster are you"
I just went to my room, laid in bed and cried.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
I am getting really good at surviving.....CHAPTER 20
I had made it to 30 weeks of my pregnancy with little changing in the process. I had managed to get my drivers license and was taking myself to my doctors appointments and playing taxi to my little brother.
I got up early the morning of October 20th for a doctors appointment, Kym said she wanted to go with me because she wanted to go to a few places in Memphis so I waited around for her. I wanted to get on the highway early because the truckers who traveled that highway drove like ass holes, I had learned the earlier you got on the smother the drive was. Kym ended up making me leave late and she didn't even end up going. I had just got on the main stretch of the highway when I was basically surrounded by big rigs.....and I'm in my little Geo Metro (it was white), about 20 min into it the trucker behind me wanted to pass me but I had no where to pull over to let him so he decided he would take matters into his own hands and ran me off the road, I was going 55mph and was ran straight into a ditch that separated the highways. I hit a wall of dirt which jolted my seat forward and there I was with the emergency cell phone in the glove compartment and my very large pregnant belly stuck UNDER the steering wheel. Thankfully someone pulled over and called 911, the fire department had to use the jaws of life to cut me out. I had a gash on my left knee, I had two fingers broken on my left hand and one on my right hand, a gash on my forehead and a broken nose.....there was no air bag. I was rushed to the emergency room in the back of an ambulance, I don't remember a whole lot of the accident because it all happened so fast and the only thing I was thinking of was my daughter (ultrasound had confirmed it when I was 22 weeks along) I was in and out and remember waking up in a hospital room hooked up to all sorts of monitors and an iv, my entire body was sore and I could see bruises all over my legs and arms. I frantically pulled back the covers to see my still large belly, I shook it praying to make my baby girl move and I felt nothing, I began to cry and looked for the nurse call button and that's when I saw it, the monitor that was hooked up to my belly...then realized there were straps around me and two paddle looking things ON my belly, when I looked closer I could see a heart beat on the monitor screen and began to calm down a little. I found the nurse call button and called a nurse in, she didn't get through the door before I said "is my baby alive"? she gave me a blank look and said yes but the doctor wants to talk to you, Ill call him, and she left................
I got up early the morning of October 20th for a doctors appointment, Kym said she wanted to go with me because she wanted to go to a few places in Memphis so I waited around for her. I wanted to get on the highway early because the truckers who traveled that highway drove like ass holes, I had learned the earlier you got on the smother the drive was. Kym ended up making me leave late and she didn't even end up going. I had just got on the main stretch of the highway when I was basically surrounded by big rigs.....and I'm in my little Geo Metro (it was white), about 20 min into it the trucker behind me wanted to pass me but I had no where to pull over to let him so he decided he would take matters into his own hands and ran me off the road, I was going 55mph and was ran straight into a ditch that separated the highways. I hit a wall of dirt which jolted my seat forward and there I was with the emergency cell phone in the glove compartment and my very large pregnant belly stuck UNDER the steering wheel. Thankfully someone pulled over and called 911, the fire department had to use the jaws of life to cut me out. I had a gash on my left knee, I had two fingers broken on my left hand and one on my right hand, a gash on my forehead and a broken nose.....there was no air bag. I was rushed to the emergency room in the back of an ambulance, I don't remember a whole lot of the accident because it all happened so fast and the only thing I was thinking of was my daughter (ultrasound had confirmed it when I was 22 weeks along) I was in and out and remember waking up in a hospital room hooked up to all sorts of monitors and an iv, my entire body was sore and I could see bruises all over my legs and arms. I frantically pulled back the covers to see my still large belly, I shook it praying to make my baby girl move and I felt nothing, I began to cry and looked for the nurse call button and that's when I saw it, the monitor that was hooked up to my belly...then realized there were straps around me and two paddle looking things ON my belly, when I looked closer I could see a heart beat on the monitor screen and began to calm down a little. I found the nurse call button and called a nurse in, she didn't get through the door before I said "is my baby alive"? she gave me a blank look and said yes but the doctor wants to talk to you, Ill call him, and she left................
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