Richard and I were moving very fast, we were talking about getting married and having kids, where we would live and how I would be a stay at home mom because we both felt that's what was best for our future kids.
Grams was concerned about how fast things between us were moving and urged me to break up with him and explore my options, but just the thought of not being with him made my entire chest ache. I was terrified with the relationship, it was so serious and I didn't know how to handle it but I was more happy than scared so I just went with it.
Mine and Richards relationship started to put a strain on mine and Grams relationship, she and I were always butting heads and I started to become very disrespectful to her, basically telling her what I was going to do instead of asking permission, being mouthy and talking back a lot....something I regret more than anything else in my life.
when Richard and I had been together for four months I found out I was pregnant. I was scared and didn't know what Richard would think, what Grams would say or do, I knew Lee would try and force abortion, she had told me more than once if I got pregnant I wouldn't have a choice. I was scared that Grams would forbid Richard and I to see each other anymore.
That night when Richard came over I told him I was pregnant, he just smiled at me and said we will figure it out, the important thing is that you tell your grandma and start seeing a doctor. I told him what Lee had said and he promised me he wouldn't let that happen.
I was trying to muster the courage to tell Grams I was pregnant, but I didn't end up needing to, I ended up having a miscarriage two weeks later. I was devastated, I felt a pain in my heart that was unlike any other pain I had ever had, I already loved this baby more than my own life and now it was gone. Richard left work early that day and came over, he just held me while I cried. He promised me that we would have lots of babies once we were married, that made me feel a little better but I was still in pain and would be for a long time.
I still to this day believe it was from the stress of the strain on mine and Grams relationship and from the fear I felt having to tell her I was pregnant.
I know now it was a blessing in disguise. Randy ended up overdosing shortly after my miscarriage and again I was the strong one helping Grams figure everything out. Randy didn't die but came very close to it. Grams was at her wits end with him and I'm sure her stress level was through the roof, she was becoming week and frail and very short tempered which wasn't like Grams at all. I was worried for her and for her health.
One night when I heard grams crying in her room while on the phone with her sister in Oklahoma about how much stress Randy had put her through and I snapped, I burst into his room and started screaming at him, I told him what a worthless piece of shit he was and how I couldn't stand him and that the family would have been better off if he had died. Randy just stood there staring at me and when I turned to leave he threw a ninja star at my head, it missed me by inches and stuck in the door next to me. At that moment I knew Randy never loved me, that he couldn't love me, all his love was being consumed by his addiction. I became numb to him at that moment, I no longer cared what happened to him, I no longer cared if he was killing himself slowly and painfully with the drugs and alcohol, I actually prayed for him to die, that moment put me in a very dark place, a place I never want to see again.
I was relieved that during all this I had Richard to lean on, he was amazing, he was the strength when I couldn't find my own and he carried me through it all.
little did I know that soon, that would end......
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Thursday, May 22, 2014
When ya know.....ya know chapter 12
After Troys death Grams, Lee and I all tried to get some kind of normalcy back, but it wasn't so easy. Pop was gone, Troy was gone and our family just felt so incomplete, too many people we loved were missing. Randy in perfect form dove deeper in to alcohol and drugs which put a HUGE stress on grams, but she just couldn't bring herself to make him leave, she was terrified that he would end up dead in a ditch and she wouldn't know, she really felt like she was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I wanted to be a kid again and I was going to be no matter what. I started hanging out with my friends again, a lot, I wasn't hardly home which meant less time with Grams. I had met this new friend Tanya who wasn't the best influence but I kind of liked that. She was over one day and asked to use my phone to page this guy so she could get a hold of her FWB, I let her and when he called back he asked what number she was at and she told him her friends, he BEGGED to talk to me and finally she gave in, his name was Richard, we talked for about half an hour and he had to go but said if I wanted to talk to him again to page him around 8 and he would call me.
At eight I paged him and he called me back, we talked for HOURS and decided to meet up the next day after I got out of school. I rushed home and tore my closet apart looking for the perfect outfit and decided on a blue billabong baby T and a pair of dark wash cut off jean shorts. Just then the doorbell rang and I rushed to answer it and there stood....Tanya. She knew Richard and I were meeting that day and she was NOT happy about it, although she wouldn't give me a reason why. Her and I were arguing when I heard this loud bumping noise coming from down the street, I looked up and there was this white lowered mini truck that I had never seen before and it pulled in front of my house, out stepped this tall dark and very handsome man, Tanya said "great he's here" my jaw hit the floor when I realized that THIS was Richard. I walked over to him and introduced myself and giggled like an idiot. I had no clue how to behave with a boy, this was all new to me. we went in the house and sat in my room talking, Tanya was trying to embarrass me by telling him my blond hair wasn't natural, that didn't seem to bother him and he asked if I had any pictures of myself with dark hair. I left the room and went into the guest room to get a photo album and Richard followed me in there. Richard and I sat in there for a few min talking with out Tanya and all of a sudden he leaned in and kissed me......it was amazing! it was also my first kiss. Tanya came looking for us and we went back into my room and we decided to get ice cream, grams wouldn't let me go so Richard and Tanya went to pick it up and bring it back, when they got back Tanya was in an even more pissy mood and just up and left, that was more than ok with me.
Richard and I spent the next few hours just talking, I found out he was much older than I thought, he was 19.....I was 15, I thought it would be a problem for him but we were really hitting it off, I got up to use the restroom and when I came out Richard was standing there, he said ya know I really like you, I said I really like you too, he leaned in and kissed me again and then said I would really like for you to be my girl, I said I would really like to be your girl, he smiled and kissed me again..... as of 6:45pm May 8th 1997 Richard and I were a couple.
Richard left that night and I was just head over heals, I was terrified about these feelings I was having....could I be in love? this soon? The next morning I woke up to a page from Richard and I called him back when he answered I said hi and he said.....I love you...I was up all night thinking about you and I love you. In that moment I wasn't scared anymore and said I love you too. Richard came over that night after he got off work and I told him that my friends wanted to meet him, because of course I had been talking all day about this amazing boy I was dating. We decided to go to Knotts Berry Farm that Saturday so he could meet my two best friends. Things went well, Tuesday and John really liked him, but they were afraid that I was getting into too much too soon for this being my first boyfriend but hey when ya know...ya know.
Two weeks later Richard took me to lunch to this very nice restaurant called Orange Hill, during lunch Richard got down on one knee and proposed to me.....I said yes. I knew it was going to be at least 3 years before we could even think about getting married but I didn't care and neither did he.
I was completely in love with this man, I missed him so much when we weren't together and my heart would race when I heard his truck coming down the street. I had decided that this was the person I was going to have sex with the first time, I didn't know when but I knew it was going to be him.
June 3rd 1997 we were celebrating out one month anniversary early because he had to work late on the 8th. We were in my room making out and I decided this was the moment.....right now.....I looked at him and said do you have a condom? he said yes and I said lets use it. That man moved so fast it made me laugh, then when it came to doing the actual deed he was worried about me, how I was feeling and wanted to make sure I was completely certain I wanted to do this. I told him I was and we had sex, he was sweet and gentle, he was loving and made my first time everything your first time should be. I wouldn't take it back or change it for anything,
They say sex changes things, and it does.....and usually not for the better
I wanted to be a kid again and I was going to be no matter what. I started hanging out with my friends again, a lot, I wasn't hardly home which meant less time with Grams. I had met this new friend Tanya who wasn't the best influence but I kind of liked that. She was over one day and asked to use my phone to page this guy so she could get a hold of her FWB, I let her and when he called back he asked what number she was at and she told him her friends, he BEGGED to talk to me and finally she gave in, his name was Richard, we talked for about half an hour and he had to go but said if I wanted to talk to him again to page him around 8 and he would call me.
At eight I paged him and he called me back, we talked for HOURS and decided to meet up the next day after I got out of school. I rushed home and tore my closet apart looking for the perfect outfit and decided on a blue billabong baby T and a pair of dark wash cut off jean shorts. Just then the doorbell rang and I rushed to answer it and there stood....Tanya. She knew Richard and I were meeting that day and she was NOT happy about it, although she wouldn't give me a reason why. Her and I were arguing when I heard this loud bumping noise coming from down the street, I looked up and there was this white lowered mini truck that I had never seen before and it pulled in front of my house, out stepped this tall dark and very handsome man, Tanya said "great he's here" my jaw hit the floor when I realized that THIS was Richard. I walked over to him and introduced myself and giggled like an idiot. I had no clue how to behave with a boy, this was all new to me. we went in the house and sat in my room talking, Tanya was trying to embarrass me by telling him my blond hair wasn't natural, that didn't seem to bother him and he asked if I had any pictures of myself with dark hair. I left the room and went into the guest room to get a photo album and Richard followed me in there. Richard and I sat in there for a few min talking with out Tanya and all of a sudden he leaned in and kissed me......it was amazing! it was also my first kiss. Tanya came looking for us and we went back into my room and we decided to get ice cream, grams wouldn't let me go so Richard and Tanya went to pick it up and bring it back, when they got back Tanya was in an even more pissy mood and just up and left, that was more than ok with me.
Richard and I spent the next few hours just talking, I found out he was much older than I thought, he was 19.....I was 15, I thought it would be a problem for him but we were really hitting it off, I got up to use the restroom and when I came out Richard was standing there, he said ya know I really like you, I said I really like you too, he leaned in and kissed me again and then said I would really like for you to be my girl, I said I would really like to be your girl, he smiled and kissed me again..... as of 6:45pm May 8th 1997 Richard and I were a couple.
Richard left that night and I was just head over heals, I was terrified about these feelings I was having....could I be in love? this soon? The next morning I woke up to a page from Richard and I called him back when he answered I said hi and he said.....I love you...I was up all night thinking about you and I love you. In that moment I wasn't scared anymore and said I love you too. Richard came over that night after he got off work and I told him that my friends wanted to meet him, because of course I had been talking all day about this amazing boy I was dating. We decided to go to Knotts Berry Farm that Saturday so he could meet my two best friends. Things went well, Tuesday and John really liked him, but they were afraid that I was getting into too much too soon for this being my first boyfriend but hey when ya know...ya know.
Two weeks later Richard took me to lunch to this very nice restaurant called Orange Hill, during lunch Richard got down on one knee and proposed to me.....I said yes. I knew it was going to be at least 3 years before we could even think about getting married but I didn't care and neither did he.
I was completely in love with this man, I missed him so much when we weren't together and my heart would race when I heard his truck coming down the street. I had decided that this was the person I was going to have sex with the first time, I didn't know when but I knew it was going to be him.
June 3rd 1997 we were celebrating out one month anniversary early because he had to work late on the 8th. We were in my room making out and I decided this was the moment.....right now.....I looked at him and said do you have a condom? he said yes and I said lets use it. That man moved so fast it made me laugh, then when it came to doing the actual deed he was worried about me, how I was feeling and wanted to make sure I was completely certain I wanted to do this. I told him I was and we had sex, he was sweet and gentle, he was loving and made my first time everything your first time should be. I wouldn't take it back or change it for anything,
They say sex changes things, and it does.....and usually not for the better
Monday, May 19, 2014
Take a deep breath and.........chapter 11
We had a huge celebration for my 15th birthday, we had A huge family party and then I got to pick 5 friends to go to Disneyland with me. It was spectacular. Grams went on alot of the rides with me and she smiled like I hadn't seen in months! Lee and Troy went too, but they mostly stayed with all of our stuff, which I found odd because they use to be all about the rides but I figured they were just getting tired.
In mid February we found out that Troy was being treated for a heart problem, Lee told us it was no big deal, he would just need to take a pill to regulate it. On March 1st 1997 Troy had a heart attack.
Again we were all in the waiting room of the hospital waiting to hear news, the Dr came in and said that Troy's heart was inlarged, he had something called congestive heart failure. Basically Troy's heart wasn't working properly causing a lack of oxygen to the organs and tissue in his body, the amount of blood the heart was pumping was not enough to circulate the the incoming blood returning to the heart from the body and lungs, causing fluid to build up which could (and did in Troy's case) lead to the lungs filling with fluid causing shortness of breath, difficulty breathing, weakness and swelling. The pills just wouldn't be enough and Troy would require surgery.
Before the date was set his case had to go before the hospital bored of doctors to see if he was a candidate for this specific surgery called the The Batista procedure, which at this time was still experimental, but it was his only chance. The Batista procedure was the reversal of the effects of remodeling in cases of end-stage dilated cardiomyopathy. The bored reviewed Troy's case and it was determined that he WAS a candidate. The whole family was relieved.
Dr. Randas Batista the doctor who invented the procedure in 1994 was there to overlook the surgery but couldn't do the actual operation as he was only licensed to practice medicine in his home country of Brazil. The surgery date was set for March 15th 1997.
Troy went through the surgery with out a single glitch! It was amazing, the surgeon and Dr. Batista were absolutely thrilled, as were we. March 20th Troy came home from the hospital and we all exhaled with relief.
6 am on March 23rd 911 was called, Troy was non responsive when Lee tried to wake him for his medication. Troy had developed a grade A staph infection. He was admitted into the hospital and was put in a clean room, we all had to scrub up, put on gowns, masks, gloves and booties before we were able to enter. Grams, Lee and I were at the hospital night and day, we showered there, ate there and slept there. We had amazing neighbors who would bring us a weeks worth of clothes at a time so we didn't have to leave. Troy went through two more surgeries, a sternum removal and a
Tracheostomy trying to get the infection to subside, all in conjunction with a number of antibiotics.....nothing was working.
In mid February we found out that Troy was being treated for a heart problem, Lee told us it was no big deal, he would just need to take a pill to regulate it. On March 1st 1997 Troy had a heart attack.
Again we were all in the waiting room of the hospital waiting to hear news, the Dr came in and said that Troy's heart was inlarged, he had something called congestive heart failure. Basically Troy's heart wasn't working properly causing a lack of oxygen to the organs and tissue in his body, the amount of blood the heart was pumping was not enough to circulate the the incoming blood returning to the heart from the body and lungs, causing fluid to build up which could (and did in Troy's case) lead to the lungs filling with fluid causing shortness of breath, difficulty breathing, weakness and swelling. The pills just wouldn't be enough and Troy would require surgery.
Before the date was set his case had to go before the hospital bored of doctors to see if he was a candidate for this specific surgery called the The Batista procedure, which at this time was still experimental, but it was his only chance. The Batista procedure was the reversal of the effects of remodeling in cases of end-stage dilated cardiomyopathy. The bored reviewed Troy's case and it was determined that he WAS a candidate. The whole family was relieved.
Dr. Randas Batista the doctor who invented the procedure in 1994 was there to overlook the surgery but couldn't do the actual operation as he was only licensed to practice medicine in his home country of Brazil. The surgery date was set for March 15th 1997.
Troy went through the surgery with out a single glitch! It was amazing, the surgeon and Dr. Batista were absolutely thrilled, as were we. March 20th Troy came home from the hospital and we all exhaled with relief.
6 am on March 23rd 911 was called, Troy was non responsive when Lee tried to wake him for his medication. Troy had developed a grade A staph infection. He was admitted into the hospital and was put in a clean room, we all had to scrub up, put on gowns, masks, gloves and booties before we were able to enter. Grams, Lee and I were at the hospital night and day, we showered there, ate there and slept there. We had amazing neighbors who would bring us a weeks worth of clothes at a time so we didn't have to leave. Troy went through two more surgeries, a sternum removal and a
Tracheostomy trying to get the infection to subside, all in conjunction with a number of antibiotics.....nothing was working.
Troy begged Grams, I and Lee to go home and get some sleep, We could see it was upsetting him so we agreed reluctantly.
The next morning Lee got the call, Troy had passed away.....seven months TO THE DAY of losing pop on April 12th 1997.
Lee and grams were beside themselves, I knew what I had to do, I had to be strong for them, I had to keep everything going. Here I was 15 years old talking with doctors and taking notes, sometimes even recording the conversations because I really had no idea what they were talking about. I would go to the library and do my best to research things so I could explain to grams and Lee what had happened.
I was the one making the funeral arrangements, grams and Lee were there but they weren't there if you know what I mean, I had to tell Lee four times to sign the papers confirming the arrangements because she just simply didn't hear me
The day of the funeral I had to help Lee and grams into the church one at a time, grams fell in my arms as we got closer to the casket where are seats were. I sat in between them holding each one up at one point or another.
Grams and Lee both took to there beds, for weeks. One day they both pulled themselves up and decided to keep going. I was relieved for more reasons than one. I was taking care of both homes, cooking cleaning and paying bills that had been sitting since Troy has gone into the hospital, going to school and trying desperately to catch up, but mostly because I was scared for the both of them, I couldn't bare the thought of them giving up, losing another person I loved with all my heart just wasn't something I was prepared to survive.
Little did I know then but something else life changing was about to happen to me.
NOTE:studies at the Cleveland Clinic concluded that the Batista procedure was associated with a high early and late failure rate. At 3 years only 26 percent were event-free and survival rate was only 60 percent. Most hospitals in the US have abandoned this operation.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
When Death laughs, no one else does "chapter 10"
Grams and I were sitting in pops hospital room waiting for the nurse to bring pop back from his latest round of tests. We were both fighting off tears trying to stay strong for each other.
An hour past and the Dr came into the room and crouched down in front of us and said I am so sorry, it's pancreatic cancer and there isn't anything we can do, it's progressed too far. I will be back later to speak with you more.
Grams and I broke down in that moment wrapped in each other's arms sobbing. When the nurse brought pop back to the room he was still very groggy, we both crawled in bed with him, holding him, crying.
The cancer didn't phase pop one bit, he had such a strong faith in Christ, and accepted this was the plan for his life. It wasn't so easy for grams and I. We both struggled daily with the thought of pop not being there. I would find myself waking up in the night and going to his room to check on him. The doctors gave him a month and three had passed, pop was a strong man and even though he had accepted it, he wasn't going to just stop living. He still woke up every morning and got dressed, fixed his hair and went about his day as usual.
Once school started, Pop got up Every morning to help me get ready for school and drove me till he couldn't drive anymore. As the days went on he became more and more frail and able to do less and less, it seemed like it happened over night. When he had to start sleeping in a hospital bed because he was too uncomfortable in a regular bed we knew it was getting close, no matter how much we tried to prepare we just were not ready to lose pop, I don't think we ever would be.
Thursday morning pop woke me up like he always did "Starr baby it's time to get up".....Starr baby, that's what he always called me from the time I was brand new and here I am 14 years old and he's still calling me Starr baby. I sat up in bed and gave him a hug like I always did, he walked back to his room to lay back down and I heard a crash. Grams and I ran to the bedroom and found pop on the floor, he had lost conciseness and fell into the door and then the floor. I ran to call Lee and then 911. Lee ran in the door and to pop just as he was taking his last breath. I was on the phone with 911 when I heard grams whale out in sheer heart ach "NO BILL NO DONT LEAVE ME" the sound of her voice in that moment will always ring in my ears. I dropped the phone and ran to pop to see his lifeless body laying on the ground. I don't remember doing this but grams told me I threw myself on him and held on to him screaming daddy don't go I need you. Lee picked me up and sat me on the bed, the paramedics came and took him away.
My daddy, the man who loved me unconditionally and gave up more than he ever should have had to and did it willingly passed away at 6:45am Thursday September 12th 1996.
Grams and I planned his funeral, we made sure every last detail no matter how small was perfect, this man deserved it, he deserved everything. The pastor of our church presided over the service and did a beautiful job, everyone who was there got up to speak about pop and said such beautiful things about him, and I......I sang amazing grace, a song I sang to pop many many times before, a song that he asked me to sing to him when he was feeling his worst, he said it always made him feel better. This would be the last time I would be able to sing it for him and I put my entire heart and soul into it.
After the funeral grams had a hard time living, she didn't know how to be with out this man who had not only been her husband since she was 13, but a man she loved more than her own life. I am fully convinced had it not been for the fact she had me to care for she would have gone shortly after pop.
After a few months things started to become normal, but it just wasn't the same without pop, the home was.....different, there was a sullen cloud hanging over us that neither one of us could shake, that we didn't want to shake. We wanted and needed to be sad.
The first Christmas without pop was hard, none of us got through the day without crying, but Troy had a surprise, he had been working very hard with his speech therapist and before Christmas dinner Troy said a very short but absolutely breathtaking grace that consisted of just a few words, but they were incredible words coming from him, words we never thought we would hear from his voice again. Not even Lee knew he had been working on it. It brought a brightness to our family, a hope, something we hadn't had in a very long while.
Maybe things were going to go smooth now, maybe things were looking up........maybe
An hour past and the Dr came into the room and crouched down in front of us and said I am so sorry, it's pancreatic cancer and there isn't anything we can do, it's progressed too far. I will be back later to speak with you more.
Grams and I broke down in that moment wrapped in each other's arms sobbing. When the nurse brought pop back to the room he was still very groggy, we both crawled in bed with him, holding him, crying.
The cancer didn't phase pop one bit, he had such a strong faith in Christ, and accepted this was the plan for his life. It wasn't so easy for grams and I. We both struggled daily with the thought of pop not being there. I would find myself waking up in the night and going to his room to check on him. The doctors gave him a month and three had passed, pop was a strong man and even though he had accepted it, he wasn't going to just stop living. He still woke up every morning and got dressed, fixed his hair and went about his day as usual.
Once school started, Pop got up Every morning to help me get ready for school and drove me till he couldn't drive anymore. As the days went on he became more and more frail and able to do less and less, it seemed like it happened over night. When he had to start sleeping in a hospital bed because he was too uncomfortable in a regular bed we knew it was getting close, no matter how much we tried to prepare we just were not ready to lose pop, I don't think we ever would be.
Thursday morning pop woke me up like he always did "Starr baby it's time to get up".....Starr baby, that's what he always called me from the time I was brand new and here I am 14 years old and he's still calling me Starr baby. I sat up in bed and gave him a hug like I always did, he walked back to his room to lay back down and I heard a crash. Grams and I ran to the bedroom and found pop on the floor, he had lost conciseness and fell into the door and then the floor. I ran to call Lee and then 911. Lee ran in the door and to pop just as he was taking his last breath. I was on the phone with 911 when I heard grams whale out in sheer heart ach "NO BILL NO DONT LEAVE ME" the sound of her voice in that moment will always ring in my ears. I dropped the phone and ran to pop to see his lifeless body laying on the ground. I don't remember doing this but grams told me I threw myself on him and held on to him screaming daddy don't go I need you. Lee picked me up and sat me on the bed, the paramedics came and took him away.
My daddy, the man who loved me unconditionally and gave up more than he ever should have had to and did it willingly passed away at 6:45am Thursday September 12th 1996.
Grams and I planned his funeral, we made sure every last detail no matter how small was perfect, this man deserved it, he deserved everything. The pastor of our church presided over the service and did a beautiful job, everyone who was there got up to speak about pop and said such beautiful things about him, and I......I sang amazing grace, a song I sang to pop many many times before, a song that he asked me to sing to him when he was feeling his worst, he said it always made him feel better. This would be the last time I would be able to sing it for him and I put my entire heart and soul into it.
After the funeral grams had a hard time living, she didn't know how to be with out this man who had not only been her husband since she was 13, but a man she loved more than her own life. I am fully convinced had it not been for the fact she had me to care for she would have gone shortly after pop.
After a few months things started to become normal, but it just wasn't the same without pop, the home was.....different, there was a sullen cloud hanging over us that neither one of us could shake, that we didn't want to shake. We wanted and needed to be sad.
The first Christmas without pop was hard, none of us got through the day without crying, but Troy had a surprise, he had been working very hard with his speech therapist and before Christmas dinner Troy said a very short but absolutely breathtaking grace that consisted of just a few words, but they were incredible words coming from him, words we never thought we would hear from his voice again. Not even Lee knew he had been working on it. It brought a brightness to our family, a hope, something we hadn't had in a very long while.
Maybe things were going to go smooth now, maybe things were looking up........maybe
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They say it comes in three's......three's would have been nice "chapter 9"
While we were all out celebrating Troy's new found freedom and the accomplishment of his driver's license, Randy was having himself a good ol time with a few friends and some cocaine. He and these two others got high and one of them (a man) made a sexual advance on Randy, when he punched the guy (ron) he became I rate and started to beat Randy with free weights that were in the room, once Randy was unconscious he hit him a few times with a desk chair, then tried to drag Randy's body out of the apartment through the main house, gave up half way through and just left him laying there bleeding to death. When we got home grams, pop and I walked into the house and could smell the blood. Pop told grams and I to stay there and he went to the back of the house, he screamed LOUISE CALL 911!
The paramedics came and I don't know how many cops. Randy was still alive but just barely, he was taken to the hospital and we were all made to stay behind and questioned by officers. When we were finaly able to get to the hospital we were told Randy was in a coma and had sustained life threatening blows to his head, face and chest, four days later Randy woke up, eventually making a full recovery. He suffered terrible migraines after the attack but he was alive.
Randy was able to tell police what happened and Ron was arrested for attempted murder. The trial was next, and they painted Randy in an awful light, and honestly 99% of what they were saying was true. Grams and pop were both put on the stand and questioned like THEY were the criminals.
One morning as we were getting ready for court pop fainted in the kitchen. I called 911 as grams tried to help pop. The ambulance came and took pop to the hospital. He was admitted and had numerous tests ran over a period of three days.
None of us were prepared for what the results revealed.
The paramedics came and I don't know how many cops. Randy was still alive but just barely, he was taken to the hospital and we were all made to stay behind and questioned by officers. When we were finaly able to get to the hospital we were told Randy was in a coma and had sustained life threatening blows to his head, face and chest, four days later Randy woke up, eventually making a full recovery. He suffered terrible migraines after the attack but he was alive.
Randy was able to tell police what happened and Ron was arrested for attempted murder. The trial was next, and they painted Randy in an awful light, and honestly 99% of what they were saying was true. Grams and pop were both put on the stand and questioned like THEY were the criminals.
One morning as we were getting ready for court pop fainted in the kitchen. I called 911 as grams tried to help pop. The ambulance came and took pop to the hospital. He was admitted and had numerous tests ran over a period of three days.
None of us were prepared for what the results revealed.
Where do we go from here? "chapter 8"
Remember my dad's parents? Well they lived right across the street from us, Lee was a nurse and Troy was a business man for the union. They were the grandparents in the family while my great grands were my parents, Troy was grams only biological child
Grams and pop were able to go on with there daily life after Dakota and things were fantastic! I had stability and routine, everything a child should.......then the phone rang. Troy had a stroke while at work and was rushed to the emergency room. We all went and waited for news...any news. Finally we were told that Troy was paralyzed All the way down his right side, he couldn't walk, speak, breath on his own at this point, couldn't do anything really. Again the family was devastated.
Between Lee, grams and pop someone was always there with Troy, helping him with his physical therapy. After a year Troy was able to walk again, however he was and would forever be numb on his right side. He was able to say a few words (shit, Lee, damn, pop and popcorn) even with such amazing strides made it was still heart breaking to see Troy like that. He was a tall, fit, strong and independent man who in my eyes was made of steal and now was a weak frail man who needed help doing the most simple things. He was however determined to make the most out of the rest of this life, you could see it in him, he wasn't going to let this stop him. By the time I was 13 Troy was able to get his drivers license and become independent again, the joy in that man's eyes when he showed us all his driver's license brought tears to our eyes, proud isn't even a strong enough word.
Things were going incredibly well, so as you can imagine tragedy struck our home again.
Grams and pop were able to go on with there daily life after Dakota and things were fantastic! I had stability and routine, everything a child should.......then the phone rang. Troy had a stroke while at work and was rushed to the emergency room. We all went and waited for news...any news. Finally we were told that Troy was paralyzed All the way down his right side, he couldn't walk, speak, breath on his own at this point, couldn't do anything really. Again the family was devastated.
Between Lee, grams and pop someone was always there with Troy, helping him with his physical therapy. After a year Troy was able to walk again, however he was and would forever be numb on his right side. He was able to say a few words (shit, Lee, damn, pop and popcorn) even with such amazing strides made it was still heart breaking to see Troy like that. He was a tall, fit, strong and independent man who in my eyes was made of steal and now was a weak frail man who needed help doing the most simple things. He was however determined to make the most out of the rest of this life, you could see it in him, he wasn't going to let this stop him. By the time I was 13 Troy was able to get his drivers license and become independent again, the joy in that man's eyes when he showed us all his driver's license brought tears to our eyes, proud isn't even a strong enough word.
Things were going incredibly well, so as you can imagine tragedy struck our home again.
Friday, May 16, 2014
What happens now? "chapter 7"
Kym ended up marrying Tom a few months after the move. She called once a week, and somehow me and my brother not being with her was MY fault. Kym would lay guilt trips on me every conversation. Grams and pop were finaly able to get a court order for supervised phonecalls. They were schedualed weekly, we had to go to what looked like a drs office (I later found out it was a cps office) and go in a room with two phones. When Kym would call a lady would be on the second phone listining in and if at any time she felt my mother was saying anything that could be upsetting to me or my brother the calls were terminated. At first Kym called every week, then it wasnt every week, we would go to the office and sit there and wait for a call that would never come. Finaly we were told we could stop going to the office because the judge saw it as pointless as she wasnt calling anyway. I didnt hear from my Kym till I was 10. She was in California for a vacation and she came to grams and pops house and demanded to see Dakota and I. Because of the joint custody grams and pop didnt have any choice but to let her see us. My mom decided that she was going to take me and my brother back to Tennessee for the remander of the summer, again my grands had no choice but to let us go.
Off to tennessee we went for a month, I was absolutly terrified that Kym wasnt going to bring us back home, so much so I had such anxiety that I was vomiting and had diareah daily. While in Tennessee it was obvious that Kym was back in almost the same situation she was when she was with Randy. Tom was an alcoholic and was very verbily abusive to Kym, I suspected physical abuse but during that visit I didn't see it. The visit was just awkward, I didn't know how to "be" with Kym, she was a stranger to me, there was no relationship there. I counted down the days till I was able to go home and finally that day came. Kym took me and Dakota to the airport and put me on a plain, but not my brother. She had gotten me a two way ticket but only got my brother a one way. When the plain landed in California grams and pop saw that it was only me, they were heart broken. My grams cried herself to sleep every night for I don't even know how long. Kym wasnt allowing phone calls and kept my Dakota from us for almost a year when one day.......he just called. We got weekly phone calls from him after that.
I think that year took alot out of my grams and pop, not knowing where Dakota was, what he was doing or how he was. Being able to hear from him helped but just knowing that Kym had him, after her showing over and over what kind of mother she was really put a stress on them that took a toll on there health.
Off to tennessee we went for a month, I was absolutly terrified that Kym wasnt going to bring us back home, so much so I had such anxiety that I was vomiting and had diareah daily. While in Tennessee it was obvious that Kym was back in almost the same situation she was when she was with Randy. Tom was an alcoholic and was very verbily abusive to Kym, I suspected physical abuse but during that visit I didn't see it. The visit was just awkward, I didn't know how to "be" with Kym, she was a stranger to me, there was no relationship there. I counted down the days till I was able to go home and finally that day came. Kym took me and Dakota to the airport and put me on a plain, but not my brother. She had gotten me a two way ticket but only got my brother a one way. When the plain landed in California grams and pop saw that it was only me, they were heart broken. My grams cried herself to sleep every night for I don't even know how long. Kym wasnt allowing phone calls and kept my Dakota from us for almost a year when one day.......he just called. We got weekly phone calls from him after that.
I think that year took alot out of my grams and pop, not knowing where Dakota was, what he was doing or how he was. Being able to hear from him helped but just knowing that Kym had him, after her showing over and over what kind of mother she was really put a stress on them that took a toll on there health.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
days remembered "chapter 6"
Living with Kym's parents wasn't terrible but it wasn't home either. It was kym, me, Dakota, Kym's parents and one of my uncles (that my grandmother had after her second marriage, he was still in high school). I always felt awkward there like I didn't belong, and I think it was because I really didn't, I belonged with grams and pop, I cried myself to sleep every night I was there. I was so close to home (only a few miles) but still so far away. I would count down the days till my visits with grams and pop and I would cry to terribly that I made myself sick when I had to leave.
About a year after we were at Kym's parents house Randy got out of prison. He moved back in with grams and pop, but this time he was a different person, he was withdrawn and didn't want to leave the house, didn't want to be around people. He wouldn't hardly acknowledge Dakota or I when we were there.
Shortly after Randy got home Kym started seeing the neighbors brother Tom. He was a nice guy and payed Dakota and I alot of attention, it was nice, he also treated Kym like a queen. After a few months of them dating we moved in with Tom, thats when things changed again. He wasnt mean but we just wernt as important as we were before the move, I would hear Kym and Tom arguing in there room and Kym would tell him he was being just like Randy, hearing that put me into a panic, I didnt want to go through that again.
Trying to "get the spark back" Kym and Tom would go on weekend trips together (on grams and pops weekends and on kyms weekends) instead of Kym taking us to grams and pops she took us to Tom's mothers house in Compton Los Angeles to be baby sat. I remember one night when we were there she let us outfront to play before it got too dark and there was a drive by shooting. I saw a man get shot and die just feet infront of me. I know now how lucky my brother and I were that we were not shot but then, I had no idea, Tom's mom called Kym and told her what had happened and she said let them watch cartoons for a while and then send them to bed I will be there Sunday night like we planned.
About a year after we were at Kym's parents house Randy got out of prison. He moved back in with grams and pop, but this time he was a different person, he was withdrawn and didn't want to leave the house, didn't want to be around people. He wouldn't hardly acknowledge Dakota or I when we were there.
Shortly after Randy got home Kym started seeing the neighbors brother Tom. He was a nice guy and payed Dakota and I alot of attention, it was nice, he also treated Kym like a queen. After a few months of them dating we moved in with Tom, thats when things changed again. He wasnt mean but we just wernt as important as we were before the move, I would hear Kym and Tom arguing in there room and Kym would tell him he was being just like Randy, hearing that put me into a panic, I didnt want to go through that again.
Trying to "get the spark back" Kym and Tom would go on weekend trips together (on grams and pops weekends and on kyms weekends) instead of Kym taking us to grams and pops she took us to Tom's mothers house in Compton Los Angeles to be baby sat. I remember one night when we were there she let us outfront to play before it got too dark and there was a drive by shooting. I saw a man get shot and die just feet infront of me. I know now how lucky my brother and I were that we were not shot but then, I had no idea, Tom's mom called Kym and told her what had happened and she said let them watch cartoons for a while and then send them to bed I will be there Sunday night like we planned.
Tom had apparently been in some trouble with the law that finally caught up with him and he has to go to jail for a month, after he got out Kym and he decided to move to Tennessee. They packed up the apartment when my brother and I were at our Gram and pops house. Kym told us we were just moving to a different appartment. Three days later she packed up me and my brother (8 and 4 by this time) and dropped us off on the door step of gram and pops house. They weren't home, so we sat there on the pourch with our bags and one large box till they got home from square dancing. That same night my Kym and Tom hit the road to Tennessee.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
What exactly is normal? "chapter 5"
Kym had taken Dakota and left for her parents house and Randy was in jail. The house was quiet and things were good. Grams and pop took care of me like they always had but there wasn't this darkness hanging over the home anymore.
Randy was in jail for 9 months. When he was released he came home and found a job, but he wasn't my dad, he kept to himself, work, home, sleep, that was about the extent of it for him. A month after Randy got out of jail Kym started calling him and wanting to work things out. They started going on dates leaving Dakota with grams and pop. After a few months they decided it was time to try a family vacation, they packed up the car and took me and Dakota on a camping trip in the mountains.
That first trip was amazing! We had so much fun! We rode horses and went on these carnival like rides they had in a near by town. We had campfire food, Kym and Randy told stories, we went on hikes and roasted marshmallows. At the end of the 3 days we were there Randy and Kym looked like the perfect couple, they were loving, and sweet with each other, when we got back home Kym moved back in, we took that camping trip a few times that summer.
The rest of it is all kind of a blur. I remember sitting with a lady in a room with three chairs and my brother sleeping in a play pen. Grams and pop came and got us and took us home. The police went and found my parents car and found my dad way off the highway in some woods crying by my mom who he thought was dead. She wasnt, but any longer and she would have been. He was arrested and my mom was taken to a hospital. Kym filled for divorce the day after she was released. Again Kym took Dakota and went to her parents house and I was left with grams and pop......that was fine with me.
Two years passed and I hadn't seen Kym once, Randy was in prison. I was a happy little girl, I was in the third grade at a private Christian school, I had a ton of friends and I was finally leading a normal childhood. At school one day we were painting self portraits and an office helper came to my class to get me. She took me up to the office and as I rounded the corner there was Kym. I ran to her and grabbed her around her waist hugging her, she grabbed me and left. Kym took me to her new apartment where she was living with a new man named Kent.
Randy was in jail for 9 months. When he was released he came home and found a job, but he wasn't my dad, he kept to himself, work, home, sleep, that was about the extent of it for him. A month after Randy got out of jail Kym started calling him and wanting to work things out. They started going on dates leaving Dakota with grams and pop. After a few months they decided it was time to try a family vacation, they packed up the car and took me and Dakota on a camping trip in the mountains.
That first trip was amazing! We had so much fun! We rode horses and went on these carnival like rides they had in a near by town. We had campfire food, Kym and Randy told stories, we went on hikes and roasted marshmallows. At the end of the 3 days we were there Randy and Kym looked like the perfect couple, they were loving, and sweet with each other, when we got back home Kym moved back in, we took that camping trip a few times that summer.
We were on the road to do one last weekend in the mountains before school started. Randy was being very short tempered during this trip and they were arguing a little, I was thirsty and Randy refused to pull over so Kym grabbed this leather pouch flask thing my dad had and handed it to me, Randy tried to stop her but I got it and took a large gulp from it. I started choking and gaging and my mouth felt like it was on fire. Kym took the flask and took a sip from it and it wasn't water.....it was vodka. Kym was furious that he had been drinking and driving with all of us in the car and they got into a fight. Randy pulled over, drug Kym out of the car and beat her horribly. My brother and I were left in the car for what seemed like forever. It had gotten dark and another car passed by, the first one of the day. He stopped and saw us in the car and took us to a police station in the next town.
Two years passed and I hadn't seen Kym once, Randy was in prison. I was a happy little girl, I was in the third grade at a private Christian school, I had a ton of friends and I was finally leading a normal childhood. At school one day we were painting self portraits and an office helper came to my class to get me. She took me up to the office and as I rounded the corner there was Kym. I ran to her and grabbed her around her waist hugging her, she grabbed me and left. Kym took me to her new apartment where she was living with a new man named Kent.
I loved seeing Kym and I was having fun visiting with her. When dinner time came around I told her I wanted to go home, Kym yelled "YOU ARE HOME DONT YOU EVER ASK TO SEE THOSE PEOPLE AGAIN!
Grams and pop filed for joint custody of me and my brother. Kym fought that tooth and nail but she lost and ended up sharing custody with them.
During my moms relationship with Kent there was a lot of abuse, he was very verbily abusive to me and Dakota and physicaly abusive to my mother.Kents daughter and son who were older than me and my brother stayed with us every other weeked. His daughter decided one night to show me what sex was, I told Kym the next day and she didnt believe me, I didnt tell her again after that, it went on every other weekend for months. I still to this day dont know why I didnt tell my grams and pop but I didnt. After Kent beat my mother so bad she miscarried there baby she left him and back to her parents house she went, this time she took Dakota AND me.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
If it sounds too good to be true........"chapter 4"
Things were as close to perfect as you can get, which should have been the first clue it wasn't real. When I was 5 months old Randy hit Kym for the first time.
Randy had been sober this whole time, had been going to work, coming home when he was supposed to and being a dad to me.
An old friend of Randy's started coming around and Randy started becoming who he use to be. Coming home late, smelling like alcohol. After the second week of this Kym confronted Randy about his behavior and he snapped. Randy grabbed Kym by her hair and threw her into a wall and punched her in the face fracturing her cheek bone and knocking her out. Randy left and wasn't heard from for a month.
Kym stayed in the apartment at my gram and pop's but she too was slipping back into her neglectful ways with me. I started spending more time in the main house with my grams and pop and after a bit I was sleeping in gram and pops room. Kym would come and go as she pleased and there were times she didn't see me for a few days.
When Randy came home after the month of being MIA he was dirty and skinny and just flat out looked like hell. Grams took him to the emergency room, he was dehydrated and malnourished and his tox screen showed meth in his system. The hospital kept him for 5 days and he was sent home. Again the family tried to get him to go to rehab but this time he refused.
Kym didn't leave him, part of me thinks she really loved him and part of me thinks she didn't want to lose her free ride, whatever the reason was, she stayed. It went on for years like this, Randy would get loaded beat Kym and then go on with his life like it was normal. Kym would take it Leave for a few days and then come back. My poor grams and pop didn't know what to do, on one hand they didn't want what was happening in there house to happen but on the other they were terrified if they made them leave where I would end up. The police were called more than once but they wouldn't do anything because for some reason Kym refused to press charges.
When I was 3 years old Kym took me somewhere early in the morning. I vividly remember a bright yellow VW bug parked on an asphalt driveway of a house. Kym got me out of the car and took me up to this house, I was put into a bedroom and told to stay there. I don't know how long went by but I remember I was hungry and had more than one accident in my underwear before Kym came back to the room. When she came for me I was yelled at for peeing on myself and spanked. By the time we got back to gram and pops it was almost dark and grams was setting the table for dinner. That was the first time I had eaten that day. A week later Kym left and was gone for a little over a month. When she came home her and Randy announced she was pregnant.
I don't remember Kym pregnant at all except for one memory of me walking up to her and trying to give her a hug around her waist and Randy pulling me away and yelling at me not to touch her.
I do however remember when Kym came home after my baby brother Dakota was born. I had turned 4 three months before he was born and It was like I didn't exist anymore.....not like I really exited before anyhow but now it was different.
I wasn't angry or hurt and I didn't resent my baby brother for taking my mom's attention from me. I think I was actually relieved. I was now (and had for quite some time) living in the main house with grams and pop, they were my parents.
I was helping grams fix dinner one night about 3 months later and Kym ran up to the main part of the house holding Dakota and was covered in blood running from her face, she was shaking and scared. Kym heard Randy coming from the apartment and handed Dakota to grams and she ran out of the kitchen door and hid in the garage. Randy had this look to him that I had never seen before, it was terrifying. Pop had already slipped off to the bedroom to call 911. This time Randy was arrested and was taken to jail for domestic violence.
Kym packed her and Dakota's things and left to her parents house, she left me with grams and pop. It was different this time, she wasn't coming back.
Randy had been sober this whole time, had been going to work, coming home when he was supposed to and being a dad to me.
An old friend of Randy's started coming around and Randy started becoming who he use to be. Coming home late, smelling like alcohol. After the second week of this Kym confronted Randy about his behavior and he snapped. Randy grabbed Kym by her hair and threw her into a wall and punched her in the face fracturing her cheek bone and knocking her out. Randy left and wasn't heard from for a month.
Kym stayed in the apartment at my gram and pop's but she too was slipping back into her neglectful ways with me. I started spending more time in the main house with my grams and pop and after a bit I was sleeping in gram and pops room. Kym would come and go as she pleased and there were times she didn't see me for a few days.
When Randy came home after the month of being MIA he was dirty and skinny and just flat out looked like hell. Grams took him to the emergency room, he was dehydrated and malnourished and his tox screen showed meth in his system. The hospital kept him for 5 days and he was sent home. Again the family tried to get him to go to rehab but this time he refused.
Kym didn't leave him, part of me thinks she really loved him and part of me thinks she didn't want to lose her free ride, whatever the reason was, she stayed. It went on for years like this, Randy would get loaded beat Kym and then go on with his life like it was normal. Kym would take it Leave for a few days and then come back. My poor grams and pop didn't know what to do, on one hand they didn't want what was happening in there house to happen but on the other they were terrified if they made them leave where I would end up. The police were called more than once but they wouldn't do anything because for some reason Kym refused to press charges.
When I was 3 years old Kym took me somewhere early in the morning. I vividly remember a bright yellow VW bug parked on an asphalt driveway of a house. Kym got me out of the car and took me up to this house, I was put into a bedroom and told to stay there. I don't know how long went by but I remember I was hungry and had more than one accident in my underwear before Kym came back to the room. When she came for me I was yelled at for peeing on myself and spanked. By the time we got back to gram and pops it was almost dark and grams was setting the table for dinner. That was the first time I had eaten that day. A week later Kym left and was gone for a little over a month. When she came home her and Randy announced she was pregnant.
I don't remember Kym pregnant at all except for one memory of me walking up to her and trying to give her a hug around her waist and Randy pulling me away and yelling at me not to touch her.
I do however remember when Kym came home after my baby brother Dakota was born. I had turned 4 three months before he was born and It was like I didn't exist anymore.....not like I really exited before anyhow but now it was different.
I wasn't angry or hurt and I didn't resent my baby brother for taking my mom's attention from me. I think I was actually relieved. I was now (and had for quite some time) living in the main house with grams and pop, they were my parents.
I was helping grams fix dinner one night about 3 months later and Kym ran up to the main part of the house holding Dakota and was covered in blood running from her face, she was shaking and scared. Kym heard Randy coming from the apartment and handed Dakota to grams and she ran out of the kitchen door and hid in the garage. Randy had this look to him that I had never seen before, it was terrifying. Pop had already slipped off to the bedroom to call 911. This time Randy was arrested and was taken to jail for domestic violence.
Kym packed her and Dakota's things and left to her parents house, she left me with grams and pop. It was different this time, she wasn't coming back.
A birth AND an almost death "chapter 3"
Randy had decided to have a party at there apartment, telling Kym It would be good for her to see friends and that it would be fun. He invited numerous people, not a one of which Kym knew. There was drinking, smoking and loud music. Kym was not happy, but Randy didn't care, he was drinking and smoking pot having himself a great ol' time. Finally Kym had enough and went to bed. Around midnight she woke up to some pain in her stomach and got out of bed when her water broke. She made her way into the front of the apartment where Randy was still partying it up with the remaining few people who hadn't left or passed out. She told him she was in labor and needed to go to the hospital, he told her to go back to bed and they would deal with it in the morning. Kym couldn't call anyone because they didn't have a phone. Frustrated, pissed off and in pain she started throwing beer bottles at Randy's head. She was able to get to a neighbors apartment and call Randy's grandma (my grams) So she could get to the hospital. My grams and pop came to get Kym and knocked Randy upside the head for being an ass and took them to the hospital.
When Kym finally got to the hospital she found out her regular doctor wasn't able to be reached so the doctor on call would be delivering me. They took her back to her room and was getting her all set up when the on call doctor came into the room. He walked in took her chart, read over It and then just stood there for a moment and walked back out not saying a word. About 10 min later he came back in to the room as Kym was having a contraction and the first thing he said to her was "if you can't handle the pain you shouldn't be having a baby, this is why you should have kept your legs closed." The doctor then decided this was a good time to check her progression and while he was seeing how far she was into labor she kicked him......In the face, this apparently pissed him off.
It was determined that I was breach, the nurse asked the doctor if she should start getting Kym prepped for a c-section and he said no, he was going to try and manually turn me. The nurse urged him not to but be did anyhow......5 times, the nurse had to threaten him with the hospital bored as he was trying for #6. Finally Kym was taken in for a c-section and I was born 6lbs 1oz ,22" long at 12 min after midnight on January 25th 1982.
5 days later we were homeward bound. Randy and Kym walked into an apartment full of everything you would need for baby, all thanks to grams and pop. My grams told Kym and Randy she would be coming over during the day to help out with me. Randy took this as an opportunity to just not come home for two or three days at a time. My grams not only helped during the day but ended up sleeping on the couch to get up with me during the night because Kym was either tired or in pain, Kym didn't actually hold me for longer than a few minutes till I was almost three weeks old. When Kym doctor gave her the green light grams went back home at night but was still coming over during the day.
Grams walked in the apartment one morning to hear Kym talking to someone in the bedroom, she over heard Kym telling this person that she was dead, that she felt dead inside and was just going through the motions and doing just enough to make sure I stayed alive. Then another voice said well just go leave her somewhere, you don't need to be dragged down by the little brat, you didn't ask for this. Grams burst into the room and there was Kym sitting on her bed talking with her best friend and there I was in nothing but a diaper freezing cold and soiled...had been for some time. Grams ripped into Kym and threw the bestie out of the apartment.
Kym started to do better and told grams she didn't need to come over as often. Grams still made surprise pop in visits and I was always being taken care of the right way.
When I was about 6 weeks old Randy came home around 1am after a night of drinking and was ranting about something. When Kym jumped out of bed to tell him to shut up he got more upset and started crying and locked himself in the bathroom. He started screaming that he was going to kill himself. Kym tried to get into the bathroom but he had locked the door. Kym ran to the neighbors and called 911. The police kicked the bathroom door open and found Randy laying in blood. He had slit his wrists, it looked as if he had flung his arms around because there was blood all over the walls and ceiling. He was taken to the hospital via ambulance and was put into the psych ward after he was stabilized, Kym was told that not only was his blood alcohol level high but a tox screen also found marijuana and cocaine in his system.
Kym was staying with her parents while Randy was in the hospital, the day before he was to be released grams and pop went to the apartment to get some things for Randy to come home in. When they got to the apartment they found an eviction notice on the door. They took action and moved Randy and Kym in with them.....In a one bedroom mobile home in a senior park.
When Randy was released the family had an intervention and Randy agreed to go to rehab. After the 90 days he didn't come home to the little one bedroom mobile home, my pop had gone out and bought a house, he wanted me to have a real home to grow up in and wanted to help my parents. There was an apartment on the back of the house for my parents, grams and pop told them it was a fresh start and they should make the most of it. Things were ideal for a few months, Kym and Randy got along well and took care of me, we were an actual family.
Then things changed..........
When Kym finally got to the hospital she found out her regular doctor wasn't able to be reached so the doctor on call would be delivering me. They took her back to her room and was getting her all set up when the on call doctor came into the room. He walked in took her chart, read over It and then just stood there for a moment and walked back out not saying a word. About 10 min later he came back in to the room as Kym was having a contraction and the first thing he said to her was "if you can't handle the pain you shouldn't be having a baby, this is why you should have kept your legs closed." The doctor then decided this was a good time to check her progression and while he was seeing how far she was into labor she kicked him......In the face, this apparently pissed him off.
It was determined that I was breach, the nurse asked the doctor if she should start getting Kym prepped for a c-section and he said no, he was going to try and manually turn me. The nurse urged him not to but be did anyhow......5 times, the nurse had to threaten him with the hospital bored as he was trying for #6. Finally Kym was taken in for a c-section and I was born 6lbs 1oz ,22" long at 12 min after midnight on January 25th 1982.
5 days later we were homeward bound. Randy and Kym walked into an apartment full of everything you would need for baby, all thanks to grams and pop. My grams told Kym and Randy she would be coming over during the day to help out with me. Randy took this as an opportunity to just not come home for two or three days at a time. My grams not only helped during the day but ended up sleeping on the couch to get up with me during the night because Kym was either tired or in pain, Kym didn't actually hold me for longer than a few minutes till I was almost three weeks old. When Kym doctor gave her the green light grams went back home at night but was still coming over during the day.
Grams walked in the apartment one morning to hear Kym talking to someone in the bedroom, she over heard Kym telling this person that she was dead, that she felt dead inside and was just going through the motions and doing just enough to make sure I stayed alive. Then another voice said well just go leave her somewhere, you don't need to be dragged down by the little brat, you didn't ask for this. Grams burst into the room and there was Kym sitting on her bed talking with her best friend and there I was in nothing but a diaper freezing cold and soiled...had been for some time. Grams ripped into Kym and threw the bestie out of the apartment.
Kym started to do better and told grams she didn't need to come over as often. Grams still made surprise pop in visits and I was always being taken care of the right way.
When I was about 6 weeks old Randy came home around 1am after a night of drinking and was ranting about something. When Kym jumped out of bed to tell him to shut up he got more upset and started crying and locked himself in the bathroom. He started screaming that he was going to kill himself. Kym tried to get into the bathroom but he had locked the door. Kym ran to the neighbors and called 911. The police kicked the bathroom door open and found Randy laying in blood. He had slit his wrists, it looked as if he had flung his arms around because there was blood all over the walls and ceiling. He was taken to the hospital via ambulance and was put into the psych ward after he was stabilized, Kym was told that not only was his blood alcohol level high but a tox screen also found marijuana and cocaine in his system.
Kym was staying with her parents while Randy was in the hospital, the day before he was to be released grams and pop went to the apartment to get some things for Randy to come home in. When they got to the apartment they found an eviction notice on the door. They took action and moved Randy and Kym in with them.....In a one bedroom mobile home in a senior park.
When Randy was released the family had an intervention and Randy agreed to go to rehab. After the 90 days he didn't come home to the little one bedroom mobile home, my pop had gone out and bought a house, he wanted me to have a real home to grow up in and wanted to help my parents. There was an apartment on the back of the house for my parents, grams and pop told them it was a fresh start and they should make the most of it. Things were ideal for a few months, Kym and Randy got along well and took care of me, we were an actual family.
Then things changed..........
Monday, May 12, 2014
The rabbits funeral "chapter 2"
The day Kym found out she was pregnant with me wasn't something to be celebrated, and not just because she was 16 but because Kym never wanted kids. She never wanted to be married or have a family to tie her down. She debated even telling my dad she was pregnant and just going to the clinic to take care of it.
She went to the clinic and for whatever reason couldn't go through with it. She told my dad that night. Randy was more than a little excited about it and asked my mom to marry him. Kym declined and told him she wasn't going to be saddled with a baby AND a husband. After alot of pressure from both sides of the family my mom caved and agreed to get married.
When Kym was just three months along with me both the families got together and drove to Vegas for Kym and Randy's wedding. Kym was in her hotel room with her best friend getting ready.......which included getting completely shit faced drunk. She was so drunk her best friend had to help hold her up when they were saying there vows. Kym told me she laid in bed for a week after the wedding crying because her life was over.
Kym's pregnancy with me was pretty uneventful, thanks to her mom, my dad's mom (step mom but she was really my dad's mom seeing that his real mom had been MIA since he was 17 and not really involved before that) and my dad's grandmother she made it to all of her Dr's appointments, ate right and stayed active.
During her pregnancy however my dad's drinking problem started to present itself . It had always been there but he was good at hiding it from her. Randy was dishonorably discharged from the Navy and thanks to his father was able to get a boiler maker job with the union. Many nights Kym would go to bed alone not knowing where Randy was, not knowing if he was safe, and part of her didn't really care. More than once Kym had to ask family for money to pay the rent because Randy had literally drank away his entire paycheck. By the time Kym was 9 months pregnant she was 17 and was completely clueless what she needed to do and Randy was either at work or drunk or both at the same time, they had nothing ready for me. No crib, carseat, clothes, bottles, not one single thing you would need to bring home baby and the time was Coming fast.
She went to the clinic and for whatever reason couldn't go through with it. She told my dad that night. Randy was more than a little excited about it and asked my mom to marry him. Kym declined and told him she wasn't going to be saddled with a baby AND a husband. After alot of pressure from both sides of the family my mom caved and agreed to get married.
When Kym was just three months along with me both the families got together and drove to Vegas for Kym and Randy's wedding. Kym was in her hotel room with her best friend getting ready.......which included getting completely shit faced drunk. She was so drunk her best friend had to help hold her up when they were saying there vows. Kym told me she laid in bed for a week after the wedding crying because her life was over.
Kym's pregnancy with me was pretty uneventful, thanks to her mom, my dad's mom (step mom but she was really my dad's mom seeing that his real mom had been MIA since he was 17 and not really involved before that) and my dad's grandmother she made it to all of her Dr's appointments, ate right and stayed active.
During her pregnancy however my dad's drinking problem started to present itself . It had always been there but he was good at hiding it from her. Randy was dishonorably discharged from the Navy and thanks to his father was able to get a boiler maker job with the union. Many nights Kym would go to bed alone not knowing where Randy was, not knowing if he was safe, and part of her didn't really care. More than once Kym had to ask family for money to pay the rent because Randy had literally drank away his entire paycheck. By the time Kym was 9 months pregnant she was 17 and was completely clueless what she needed to do and Randy was either at work or drunk or both at the same time, they had nothing ready for me. No crib, carseat, clothes, bottles, not one single thing you would need to bring home baby and the time was Coming fast.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
A little back story to get started "chapter 1"
I guess I should start with my parents.
"MOM"
Kym led a really hard life as a young child, her mom abandoned her and her two brothers when she was very young, leaving them with there abusive father. I had been told stories of violence and mental abuse they all went through. One story that stuck out to me was when my mom came home from school (she was 11 I believe) and her father was sitting at the kitchen table with a loaded gun sitting in front of him. He told her he was going to shoot himself in the head and she was going to have to just sit there and watch. Kym tried to talk him down which made him angry and he turned the gun on her. If it wasn't for a perfectly timed knock on the door by a neighbor who heard the yelling I might not have ever been born.....at least not as me.
My grandmother re married, Kym and her brothers went to live with them when she was 12, but by then the damage has been done. She was a broken person who never really became whole again.
"DAD"
Randy had somewhat of a better childhood, his parents divorced when he was a baby and his mom moved to Hawaii his dad stayed in Oklahoma where that part of my family is from. My dad was shipped between Hawaii and Oklahoma most of the first few years of his life. My my grandfather re married and the family moved to Southern California when my dad was about 4. He mainly stayed with his dad and step mom with a few trips to Hawaii to visit his mom, they became fewer and fewer as the time went on till she moved to California when Randy was 10. Randy by this time haf become very angry and developed a drinking problem by the time he was just 13! Something he was never able to get under control.
" The two meet"
Randy and Kym met the first time at a party, Randy at the time was sleeping with Kym's best friend. Kym couldn't stand him, she said many times that just looking at him made her want to punch him. Randy trying to get her to warm up to him grabbed her and started tickling her, she begged him to stop and when he didn't she peed on him. Yes my parents first real interaction was when she peed on him (it really is a wonder I ever made it into this world).
A few months later was a school dance. My mom was only 16 at this point, dad was 19. Kym's best friends parents didn't like Randy, thought he was too old for her so in order for the two of them to go to the dance together Kym was the decoy. They would play it off as Randy was Kym's date and Kym's real date would pick up her best friend pretending to be hers and then they would switch at the dance (are you keeping up with this?)
Well the best friend and date never showed up to the dance (later it was found out they were in the back seat of his car doing the nasty). Kym and Randy decided to make the best out of the evening and that was how it all started. They hit it off and we're an official couple from that night on.
A few months later Randy went off to boot camp after joining the navy. Kym said she missed him so much that she planned on giving up her V card as soon as he got back.....and she did. 6 weeks later, the rabbit died.
"MOM"
Kym led a really hard life as a young child, her mom abandoned her and her two brothers when she was very young, leaving them with there abusive father. I had been told stories of violence and mental abuse they all went through. One story that stuck out to me was when my mom came home from school (she was 11 I believe) and her father was sitting at the kitchen table with a loaded gun sitting in front of him. He told her he was going to shoot himself in the head and she was going to have to just sit there and watch. Kym tried to talk him down which made him angry and he turned the gun on her. If it wasn't for a perfectly timed knock on the door by a neighbor who heard the yelling I might not have ever been born.....at least not as me.
My grandmother re married, Kym and her brothers went to live with them when she was 12, but by then the damage has been done. She was a broken person who never really became whole again.
"DAD"
Randy had somewhat of a better childhood, his parents divorced when he was a baby and his mom moved to Hawaii his dad stayed in Oklahoma where that part of my family is from. My dad was shipped between Hawaii and Oklahoma most of the first few years of his life. My my grandfather re married and the family moved to Southern California when my dad was about 4. He mainly stayed with his dad and step mom with a few trips to Hawaii to visit his mom, they became fewer and fewer as the time went on till she moved to California when Randy was 10. Randy by this time haf become very angry and developed a drinking problem by the time he was just 13! Something he was never able to get under control.
" The two meet"
Randy and Kym met the first time at a party, Randy at the time was sleeping with Kym's best friend. Kym couldn't stand him, she said many times that just looking at him made her want to punch him. Randy trying to get her to warm up to him grabbed her and started tickling her, she begged him to stop and when he didn't she peed on him. Yes my parents first real interaction was when she peed on him (it really is a wonder I ever made it into this world).
A few months later was a school dance. My mom was only 16 at this point, dad was 19. Kym's best friends parents didn't like Randy, thought he was too old for her so in order for the two of them to go to the dance together Kym was the decoy. They would play it off as Randy was Kym's date and Kym's real date would pick up her best friend pretending to be hers and then they would switch at the dance (are you keeping up with this?)
Well the best friend and date never showed up to the dance (later it was found out they were in the back seat of his car doing the nasty). Kym and Randy decided to make the best out of the evening and that was how it all started. They hit it off and we're an official couple from that night on.
A few months later Randy went off to boot camp after joining the navy. Kym said she missed him so much that she planned on giving up her V card as soon as he got back.....and she did. 6 weeks later, the rabbit died.
Where do I start?
I started writing this many many times intending it to be a book but after about the 10th time and me not being able to get anywhere near finished I decided to make this a blog instead. A blog about my life.
I am no one special, I'm not famous, my name isn't household known. .....I'm just me, a 32 year old mother to 4 and wife. But I have lead a life....like so many others, that has made me into the person I am today. I'm not saying my story is unique or one of a kind but it's mine. I'm sure some of you are saying "you're 32 what could you possibly know about life, your still living it" but I have had my share and then some of loss and pain and suffering.
This is my story, this is my journey through pain, suffering, confusion, healing and joy.
I am no one special, I'm not famous, my name isn't household known. .....I'm just me, a 32 year old mother to 4 and wife. But I have lead a life....like so many others, that has made me into the person I am today. I'm not saying my story is unique or one of a kind but it's mine. I'm sure some of you are saying "you're 32 what could you possibly know about life, your still living it" but I have had my share and then some of loss and pain and suffering.
This is my story, this is my journey through pain, suffering, confusion, healing and joy.
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