Go ahead.....Kick me while I'm down......Chapter 30

There I am standing on the side of this highway, 3 hours away from the closest hospital, almost 5 months pregnant.....cramping and bleeding. There wasn't anything I could do, I had to accept what was happening, I was loosing my baby. 

after sitting on the side of the road and crying for 15 min, Richard got me back in the car and said we needed to get me home and to my Dr. I didn't argue with him, I just got up, got in the car, and went numb.

We made it back to Riverside late that night. I wanted to go home and sleep in my own bed, but Richard wanted to take me to the hospital. I had quit bleeding after being back in the car for 30 min and to be totally honest I wasn't thinking clearly. Richard drove me to the hospital and called his mom to come pick up Kendra. 

Ultrasound confirmed that I had lost the baby.....they did an amino to test for bacteria in my water, and I wanted to know the sex of the baby......it was a girl. I stayed in the hospital over night and Richard stayed with me, the next morning I went in for a D&C. We were asked to name the baby for her death certificate and she would be cremated.  Richard and I named her Molly Louise. Other than those people I was very close to, no one knew about Molly, this is the first time I have spoken about her since the day Richard and I scattered her ashes over my grands grave sight. 

After a few hours I was released with strict orders to see my OBGYN On Monday. My mother in law said she would keep Kendra over the weekend so I could rest. When we got to the house we found a note on the front door that said....this isn't working out, your stuff is in the garage and the locks have been changed. 

I don't really remember what happened after that, Richard said I lost my shit and started pounding and kicking the front door, he picked me up, put me in the car and drove to his parents house. I woke up in their guest room, my mother in law told me Richard and my father in law drove back to J and R's house to get our stuff out of the garage and we would be staying with them till we found a place.

A week later we were moving into this adorable pre fab house in a cute little gated community in Corona. 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and a decent size back yard for Kendra to run around in. 

After Randy died, Lee reached out to me, she wanted to try and re build our relationship, she wanted to know Kendra. I was all for it! I missed her so much. By the time Kendra was 2 we were at her house visiting with her weekly and we talked daily, we were getting back to where we use to be and I couldn't have been happier

In March 2002 Richard and I found out we were pregnant again, I didn't know how to feel, part of me was excited, part of me was nervous and all of me was terrified.  

Because of my miscarriage the year before my OBGYN was keeping a very close eye on me, I had appointments biweekly, we were keeping an eye on my hormone levels, and I was told to take it as easy as I possibly could with a 2 year old running around. 

at 25 weeks I had the sex ultrasound and found out we were having a boy! Richard and I were overjoyed! It was also determined that I was having a perfectly healthy pregnancy, I had a bit of morning sickness in my first trimester but it was mild, no dizzy spells or insomnia, the completely   opposite kind of pregnancy than what I had with Molly and very similar pregnancy to Kendra's which helped put me at ease. 

Things were going smoothly, life was good....so it shouldn't come as a surprise when the phone rang and on the other end was Kym. 

Moving on Chapter 29

When Kendra was about a year old Richard and I found out we were pregnant. It was a mix of excitement and fear.

A few months after we found out we were expecting some friends of ours found out they might loose their house, Richard and I decided we would move in and help them out since our lease on the apartment was up and we were looking into moving into a larger place anyways...we figured we would stay with our friends for a few months while helping them get on their feet (he had lost his job and she was 6 months pregnant with their second child).

The agreement was they would cover the utilities and we would cover buying food, the phone bill (back when everyone still had land lines) and the mortgage, as well as pay the 2 months they were delinquent.  When we moved in, everything was fine, they were very grateful for our help and he had already gotten a new job, we would live there for 4 months, long enough for him to get to full pay at this new place and it would enable them to put some money in savings.

A month after we moved in with them it all went to hell. She would leave the house early in the morning, leave her daughter there and me a note to take care of her. I wouldn't even know till I got up that morning and saw the note sitting on the stove or kitchen table.

I was having a very rough pregnancy, terrible morning sickness, dizzy a lot, insomnia. I had told J (the wife) that she needed to stop leaving her daughter with me, that I just couldn't do it anymore, it was too much with the symptoms I was having. The next morning she was gone, her daughter was asleep and there was the note. Richard was home that day, as I had a drs appointment late that morning. I woke him up and he called R (the husband) he didn't know where J was or how to get a hold of her,  R didn't see what the big deal was "since Starr is home anyways" and we would have to take Kendra to the drs with us why not just take Kendra and Addy. Richard hung up on him and called J's mom.....she didn't know where he daughter was either but said she would be at the house with in the hour to pick her up from us.

As we were getting ready to leave for the drs later that morning when we saw a red tag on the front door handle......THEY HADN'T PAID THE WATER BILL SINCE WE MOVED IN!!! and they were threatening to shut the water off by the end of the week if it wasn't paid in full. Richard and I both decided that we were moving out as soon as we possibly could, we would start looking for places as soon as we got back from the dr's.


When we came back to the house after my appointment there were a few messages on the answering machine, one was from Lee and she sounded like she had been crying.
I immediately called her back, Randy was in New Mexico, he was also dying. He was in hospice and wanted to see me. I hung up the phone with Lee and told Richard. He said start packing we will leave tonight. When J and R came home we told them we would be gone for a couple days and why, they were very sympathetic and said they hoped we made it in time. 30 min later we were on the road to New Mexico.



We got there too late.....Randy died 2 hours before we made it to the hospital. I was devastated.   No matter what he had done, he was still my father and he wanted to see me before he died. I had to sit with a rep from hospice and give them all Randy information they didn't have for his death certificate, I barley made it through.

I was so drained when we left the hospital I felt like I could sleep for days. We got a hotel that night and would be leaving for home the next morning. Hospice was having Randy cremated since that is what he wanted, they would send me his ashes in the next few weeks.


The next morning we were back on the road to home, about an hour into the long stretch of desert highway I started cramping, I had Richard pull over and when I got out of the car blood was running down my leg.