I sit there staring at the test in disbelief, the very visible positive sign staring back at me. How did Grams know? Did Pop really tell her I was pregnant? Is that even possible? Possible or not, the fact was I was pregnant. I sat there a few more minutes and then snapped myself out of it, I had to get back home, Lee would be looking for me, we had another funeral to plan.
Lee pulls up in the car next to me as I'm walking down our street, I apologized for going MIA and told her I had to get some fresh air. We went to the funeral home where the faces were getting all too familiar, and started to make Grams arrangements. More than once I got lost in thought about what Grams had said about not waiting to see a doctor, I knew in order to do that I was going to have to tell Lee about the baby, but I just couldn't think about that now. Lee fought me on every decision that was made about Grams funeral, she picked out this awful casket that was just flat out gaudy and over adorned, nothing like Grams at all. I saw this incredibly beautiful mahogany casket with white satin lining and an embroidered pink rose on the inside, Grams loved roses, the simplicity of it Grams would have found beautiful, it was the perfect resting place for her. I refused to budge, I would be dammed if Lee made this funeral into something other than what Grams would have been proud of. When picking the music that was to be played Lee again was picking things SHE liked, not thinking of Grams at all, and again I spoke up. Lean on me would be played at the start of the service, it was Grams favorite song, Amazing Grace would be played after her eulogy and then I would sing In the Arms of the Angel, when Grams was being carried out the hymn His eye on the sparrow would be played. Lee brought this old navy suit for Grams to wear, a suit Grams hadn't worn in years, I thought for sure she would have gotten Grams white and royal blue dress that she loved, as we were leaving I told the man who was taking care of the arrangements that I would be back in an hour with the dress Grams was to wear, I had a friends mom take me back up to the funeral home and switched them out.
That evening I was sitting in my room trying to figure out how I was going to tell Lee about the baby and I decided to wait till after the funeral. I called Richard and told him to meet me in my back yard at 1am, that I needed to talk to him. When he got to my house I was sitting on the back porch steps, he walked up to me, and said Starr just get it over with.....he thought I was going to break up with him. I stood up and told him I was pregnant, and that Grams knew I was pregnant and that he and I were still seeing each other but that I didn't want Lee to know for now, but that once I told her about the baby he was going to start coming around again like a normal person because there would be a baby involved and she wasn't going to stop my child's father from being around. We talked for a while about what we were going to do, and in the end decided to keep our plans the way we had them, we would get married right after I turned 18 since I estimated I would have the baby shortly before that and there would be no point in rocking that particular boat.
Three days later was the funeral, it was beautiful and a fantastic tribute to Grams life. People stood and told very heart warming stories about her, and I told a few stories she had told to me about when she was younger. After the initial service there was the grave side service and while the family were all standing there accepting condolences I passed out, when I came to I was in the back of one of Lees friends cars and there were about 20 people standing around just staring at me, I must have turned 100 shades of red. I got up and went to Lees car and we went home to prepare for all of the guests that would be arriving. I mostly stayed in my room, I was in no mood to socialize.
That Monday I decided to go back to school, I needed to be around my friends, it was a very long and exhausting day but being around people who cared about me and cared about Grams made me feel a bit better. I was preparing to walk home and saw Lee and her sister, my Aunt, pull up and told me they were going to take me to lunch. We got to the restaurant and before we even ordered Lee looked at me and said.....so how long have you been knocked up? I was caught completely off guard, how did she know???? I just sat there with a blank look on my face. Lee said she had her suspicions before that but when I passed out at the funeral she was almost positive, then when my reaction to her question was what it was, it was confirmed. To my surprise, Lee said nothing of terminating the pregnancy, she said she would make me a doctors appointment and asked me who the father was, I told her Richard was the father and she walked out of the restaurant. Lee didn't talk to me for days, when my doctors appointment came she took me and dropped me off and left. My pregnancy was confirmed and I was given the due date of December 5th 1999.
That evening Lee called me over to her house and there she sat with my dads brother and his wife. They had been talking about what to do with me, They decided that none of them wanted to deal with me pregnant so they were sending me to Kym's house in Mississippi.......Kym!! the woman who abandoned me on the front porch of Grams and Pops, Kym the one who I hadn't seen or spoken to in YEARS. I stormed out of the house, went home and directly into Randy's apartment, I told him if he EVER loved me, if I had been important to him at all he would help Richard and I get married before I turned 18 so I wouldn't have to go to Mississippi. To my surprise the next morning Randy SOBER came to me and told me he had called Grams and Pops lawyer and they were going to file a petition for Richard and I to get married. I figured I should probably tell Richard, he was thrilled!! the next day Randy went to the lawyers office, he was gone for hours and I was on pins and needles waiting for him to get home. The cab pulled up in the driveway and I ran outside to hear what had happened. Randy told me once Grams and Pop were both gone custody automatically went to joint between he and Kym, the lawyer called Kym to ask if she would sign the petition for Richard and I to get married and she refused, flat out refused, Randy's hands were tied.
Lee came over that night with boxes and told me to start packing, I was on a plain in less than 14 days to Kym's. I was terrified. I called Richard and told him that the petition couldn't be filed because Kym wouldn't sign it, and I was leaving in less than two weeks. He snuck over that night and we talked about running away together, just up and diapering, I was ready, I would pack a bag, he would go home and pack a bag and we would be gone.....then reality sank in that if (and more than likely would be) we were caught he would go to jail, I would still end up at Kym's and our baby would be worse off. We realized we were going to be separated for the entirety of my pregnancy, he was going to miss all of it, he was going to miss the birth and the first month of babies life, it was something we would deal with, but I was scared we couldn't survive it. The time went by fast, Richard snuck over every night and spent as much time together as we could but it wasn't enough. The morning of my flight I was hysterical, I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't stop shaking, I couldn't eat. Lee was cold, not showing any emotion at all, she took me to the terminal and we sat there in silence. Finally it was time to bored, I thought for sure she would give me a hug good buy but she just stood up and left without saying a word to me. I got on the plain alone and sat in the seat preparing for take off, the stewardess had to come and tell me to put my seatbelt on because my mind was wondering and I was imagining what my life was going to be like now. The plain took off and there I was on my way to live with Kym.
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